Porno the Clown clips were shown at this site.
Here's his segment of the cafe footage.
Again this doesn't seem to fit the blog frame
because it is "HD" and you may as well just
click the title and go straight to youtube
for the proper frame. But I guess if you
see it cropped here it's no big deal.
You might just lose a few people.
Looking at it small might be preferable.
I realized in editing that the focus on some
of it is a little soft.
Sunday, October 10, 2010
Saturday, August 21, 2010
Ask Porno the Clown
Add - vice column. The submitted questions have had the writers' names omitted out or respect for privacy. But I laugh when I think of the names. Maybe some day they'll be printed, but not by me and I won't have a way of knowing how it happened. Here are some of the most recent questions from random readers:
QUESTION: I have a longing for a for a girl who just thinks of me as a friend. What should I do?
PORNO THE CLOWN: If it's longing enough, just ask if she wants to see it.
Q: I hurt my neck eating pussy last week. What do you suggest?
PTC: Have a chiropractor look at the neck. In the future, line her up at the foot of the bed with a pillow under the small of her back and one for your knees.
Q: If I'm dogging a woman and my legs are shorter than hers, how do I get and keep myself in her vag?
PTC: Get into the habit of adjusting her legs like a tripod. She may even have to get those legs far enough apart that you need a spreader to keep her knees from buckling.
Q: I think I'm getting smaller. How do I avoid falling out when I thrust too much?
PTC: I've asked a few of my shorter cuntsultants. In that case, it's not literally in and out. Just get in or have her help you in and just grind. Short thrusts. Very short. Also, if you finish at all make sure to help her along with your finger for a while. Your finger might be long enough to find a rough patch that is likely her g-spot.
Q: I didn't realize my hands had gotten as rough as sandpaper over the years and I have deadened the nerves in my johnson. I look down at my girlfriend and I realize that I am being blown. Should I tell her I don't feel anything?
PTC: No. Stop jerking it while dry. The skin might regenerate, and with it the nerves maybe after a painful few months. Don't bother telling her or she will think she is the problem. Listen to the way she fakes moans for your pleasure and imitate that, except not so girlishly.
Q: A woman I see has a boyfriend who refuses to have sex with her because he found out she was with some other guy. She's been without sex for a week. Should I bang her if she asks me for coffee?
PTC: If her boyfriend is not your friend - or you don't know him through her - and she wants you then it's all on her head. So yes. It's all a matter of respect. If she asks, that's only adultery for both of you in some parts of the world. She's not cheating on you anyway, just with you, except when she is on you. So don't judge her. And women change boyfriends over and over so there's nothing sacred about it. Husbands too change. Anyone she's not having sex with has nothing to betray.
Q: My buddy broke off with his girlfriend and now she has invited me over to her place to see an old Alfred Hitchcock movie and show me her stamp collection. Should I make a move? Or is that going against my friend?
PTC: Are you in high school, mind-fucking yourself that way? In a few years, you'll be lucky to hear from your buddy on Facebook. If you have a hard-on for the girl, that's what counts. And that's what will haunt you if you do nothing. If she becomes a friend later, fine. That will handle itself. If you do nothing, it's not out of loyalty to someone who dumped her or someone she dumped. It will be because you don't have the balls. Women expect you to be the sleaze, so they don't seem trampy. So you have the burden of going for it.
Q: I am 22 and just figured out that what I thought was a climax was just pre-cum. A dew drop on the tip. After being away from home in the Bible belt for a semester, I feel bubbly inside. I know that's old for starting college, but my theology degree wasn't getting me a job so I went away for chemical engineering. This gurgling in my gut resulted in a wet dream that really relaxed me. But then I spent way too much time after class rushing home to relax away the thoughts of all the city girls in my school. The skin lotion is working to take away the skin rash I got from friction. But how do I know when I'm doing this too much? Will I run out of God juice?
PTC: Every day is too much. Don't be relaxed all the time or you'll end up like the nerve endings guy. And if possible only have orgazms while having sex. If you're too much of a one-man show you become fickle. At least one of you has to need sex or it won't happen. Be frustrated and you'll find other people are frustrated as well, and your frustrations might be compatible. But nobody likes a jerk-off. I'm not saying don't ever do it, but it's just for emergencies. And forget the Something About Mary "cleaning the pipes." That shouldn't be done. It's better to be insane and channel that energy into charm or you'll forget the urgency and say something stupid that makes her think you think she is a sure thing and turns her off. Don't have a beer or a shot or a toke before performing brain surgery or the chess match of getting at the snatch. It's all respect.
QUESTION: I have a longing for a for a girl who just thinks of me as a friend. What should I do?
PORNO THE CLOWN: If it's longing enough, just ask if she wants to see it.
Q: I hurt my neck eating pussy last week. What do you suggest?
PTC: Have a chiropractor look at the neck. In the future, line her up at the foot of the bed with a pillow under the small of her back and one for your knees.
Q: If I'm dogging a woman and my legs are shorter than hers, how do I get and keep myself in her vag?
PTC: Get into the habit of adjusting her legs like a tripod. She may even have to get those legs far enough apart that you need a spreader to keep her knees from buckling.
Q: I think I'm getting smaller. How do I avoid falling out when I thrust too much?
PTC: I've asked a few of my shorter cuntsultants. In that case, it's not literally in and out. Just get in or have her help you in and just grind. Short thrusts. Very short. Also, if you finish at all make sure to help her along with your finger for a while. Your finger might be long enough to find a rough patch that is likely her g-spot.
Q: I didn't realize my hands had gotten as rough as sandpaper over the years and I have deadened the nerves in my johnson. I look down at my girlfriend and I realize that I am being blown. Should I tell her I don't feel anything?
PTC: No. Stop jerking it while dry. The skin might regenerate, and with it the nerves maybe after a painful few months. Don't bother telling her or she will think she is the problem. Listen to the way she fakes moans for your pleasure and imitate that, except not so girlishly.
Q: A woman I see has a boyfriend who refuses to have sex with her because he found out she was with some other guy. She's been without sex for a week. Should I bang her if she asks me for coffee?
PTC: If her boyfriend is not your friend - or you don't know him through her - and she wants you then it's all on her head. So yes. It's all a matter of respect. If she asks, that's only adultery for both of you in some parts of the world. She's not cheating on you anyway, just with you, except when she is on you. So don't judge her. And women change boyfriends over and over so there's nothing sacred about it. Husbands too change. Anyone she's not having sex with has nothing to betray.
Q: My buddy broke off with his girlfriend and now she has invited me over to her place to see an old Alfred Hitchcock movie and show me her stamp collection. Should I make a move? Or is that going against my friend?
PTC: Are you in high school, mind-fucking yourself that way? In a few years, you'll be lucky to hear from your buddy on Facebook. If you have a hard-on for the girl, that's what counts. And that's what will haunt you if you do nothing. If she becomes a friend later, fine. That will handle itself. If you do nothing, it's not out of loyalty to someone who dumped her or someone she dumped. It will be because you don't have the balls. Women expect you to be the sleaze, so they don't seem trampy. So you have the burden of going for it.
Q: I am 22 and just figured out that what I thought was a climax was just pre-cum. A dew drop on the tip. After being away from home in the Bible belt for a semester, I feel bubbly inside. I know that's old for starting college, but my theology degree wasn't getting me a job so I went away for chemical engineering. This gurgling in my gut resulted in a wet dream that really relaxed me. But then I spent way too much time after class rushing home to relax away the thoughts of all the city girls in my school. The skin lotion is working to take away the skin rash I got from friction. But how do I know when I'm doing this too much? Will I run out of God juice?
PTC: Every day is too much. Don't be relaxed all the time or you'll end up like the nerve endings guy. And if possible only have orgazms while having sex. If you're too much of a one-man show you become fickle. At least one of you has to need sex or it won't happen. Be frustrated and you'll find other people are frustrated as well, and your frustrations might be compatible. But nobody likes a jerk-off. I'm not saying don't ever do it, but it's just for emergencies. And forget the Something About Mary "cleaning the pipes." That shouldn't be done. It's better to be insane and channel that energy into charm or you'll forget the urgency and say something stupid that makes her think you think she is a sure thing and turns her off. Don't have a beer or a shot or a toke before performing brain surgery or the chess match of getting at the snatch. It's all respect.
Sunday, March 28, 2010
Palm Sunday
Seems like the right time to look in on Porno. The look the other way fast.
I'm spending some time today on the rewrite of the feature, The Adventures of Porno the Clown, which I hadn't looked at since November of 2008 when I sent the full draft to Jay and our then-producer Anthony who has greeted me with radio silence since February of 2009. So it's been over a year and I'd say that constitues not being the producer anymore, having let Telefilm application plans fall by the wayside without so much as a phone call, e-mail, or tweet my way.
I already know a few things will change in this draft, and a few items will be restored from the earlier versions, but I think PTC can be a likable enough character to sustain a 90 minute film. What he can't do is open on 2,000 screens in a sanitized version. I mean, the very title is a litnus test for whether people should see the film let alone work on it. We can't tell Telefilm it's called Pedro the Clown and then change it to Porno at the eleventh hour without forfeiting tax credits. Basically, it should be a movie that knows a circle (jerk) of people are going to seek it out or be delighted to find the DVD box in a store - and it likely won't be a store that can't bare the sight of the word Porno on a shelf, even if it decribes what the movie intends to satirize.
Happy Palm Sunday.
I'm spending some time today on the rewrite of the feature, The Adventures of Porno the Clown, which I hadn't looked at since November of 2008 when I sent the full draft to Jay and our then-producer Anthony who has greeted me with radio silence since February of 2009. So it's been over a year and I'd say that constitues not being the producer anymore, having let Telefilm application plans fall by the wayside without so much as a phone call, e-mail, or tweet my way.
I already know a few things will change in this draft, and a few items will be restored from the earlier versions, but I think PTC can be a likable enough character to sustain a 90 minute film. What he can't do is open on 2,000 screens in a sanitized version. I mean, the very title is a litnus test for whether people should see the film let alone work on it. We can't tell Telefilm it's called Pedro the Clown and then change it to Porno at the eleventh hour without forfeiting tax credits. Basically, it should be a movie that knows a circle (jerk) of people are going to seek it out or be delighted to find the DVD box in a store - and it likely won't be a store that can't bare the sight of the word Porno on a shelf, even if it decribes what the movie intends to satirize.
Happy Palm Sunday.
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